On Family, School, Italy and Love

Since Dad and Anthony left in May, I haven’t had much family time at all. Much of my time off of work is spent in silence and solitude. I drive home, park my car, get in the house, change, then take a walk to the grocery shop. The weather has been beautiful. But the solitude grew tiresome.

This week was different. Sabrina drives me to work and picks me up. Not that I am not perfectly happy being self sufficient and independent, but man it feels good when someone takes care of you even for a little while, even just a little bit.

We’ve been taking walks. I am exhausted and yet always down for a nice, long walk. Today Anthony walked with us in Stanley Park. We laughed and ran, and chatted as the city lit up from across the dark grey water. We saw two blue herons.

Lately I’ve been thinking of school. I miss reading and writing, and talking about what we’ve read and written. It’s funny how I say I don’t like being a student and yet I never stay out of school for too long before I long to be back again.

I have decided to take a trip to Italy on my own in October. I am traveling to a small town and will stay put for my entire vacation. I will walk, will visit, will grocery shop, talk to people-consume as much Italy as I could in my own ways. Phrases that I am going to learn before I go: You are beautiful. This is delicious. How much? I love you, and More. 

I haven’t been lonely, but I have been lonely. Does it make sense? I am finally willing to read books on healing a broken heart. Until recently I have been too scared to even enter that territory, too scared to be reminded. This author wrote about the love she lost: “…[i]t was the kind of love that you can never excise, because you were born with this person already in your heart.” Sometimes I worry that I will never love and enjoy love the way I did before. Sabrina gently said, “you will have something better.”

 

 

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