I want to tell you something. Something I want you to remember and keep it in your heart for all your days to come. I want to tell you to fall away. Don’t be scared of failing. Don’t be scared of being wrong. Don’t be scared of falling. Fall away. Just do, without regards of consequences and do, without expectations of outcomes. You have no time for fears. So leap, fall away and again. That is how I want you to do.

I have spent an entire day deleting words on the computer, throwing out stories and now staring at the blank word document. I am extremely pained. This is the stare for the short fiction class. Later tonight, I will do the stare for the poetry class. Lord, my eyes.

School’s starting to get really busy, so I won’t be updating here as much. And hopefully by the end of this term, I will become a better writer (with bulging eyeballs I am sure). Sigh sigh..

It is a sunny sunday afternoon. I am a little bit sad, and very tired. In about 15 minutes I am going to walk out of the lips’ apartment and head to IGA… a pistachio lemon cake is on the dinner menu tonight, if I could muster up enough energy to do some egg beating and flour mixing. 

We all went out for dim sum for lunch earlier today, then I dropped Dad off at the airport. It all seemed a bit overwhelming to me. Sunday Dim Sum (an hour of waiting for the table, and the mind numbing noises in the restaurant), the muffled but distinct feeling of Dad’s soon to be absence, his tears upon saying goodbye to Fion… I wanted to be somewhere quiet, with no sound, and no colors. 

Watching them is heart wrenching for me in so many ways… but I don’t want to think about it. I’ll buy baking powder, eggs, lemon, ground almond. I will beat the eggs with avocado oil, and mix the dry ingredients with the wet. I will oil the pan, pour the mixture in. I will wait until the cake rises, and the apartment smells like baked love. And I will let the cake sit until it cools down… Then I will eat it with the lips… and I will be ok.