On the second night of my arrival here in Boston, Sabrina threw a party for people from her cohort. She made cookies, mini burgers, mojitos, I made pasta and a salad. We put out chips and had lots of red wine. I have never really liked parties much. I like people, but only in small dosages. But this party I enjoyed very much.

We sat in a circle eating, drinking and chatting. There were three guys and seven girls. We talked about strip clubs (I do not like it because I don’t like the idea of someone actively paying to objectify a human being into nothing but a sex object. Another girl didn’t like it because she doesn’t want her boyfriend staring at other girls’ tits). Then we talked about wether or not we are okay with our partners fantasizing another person during sex. One guy brought up the fact that even when we think of our own partner during sex, it is often a somewhat idealized, fantasized version of this person. 

I don’t really fantasize about anybody during sex. I usually enjoy it so much that it is one of the only few moments in my life where my mind could take a rest. But I do agree that we tend to have an obscured view of our partner. In the romance stage of a relationship, we idealize the other person. The euphoria of a romance is so addictive and blinding, it keeps us from seeing the other person as who they really are. Could love really take place here if we are not really seeing each other?  When we say love here, we really mean lust…

We love the feeling inspired by each other, but not really each other. When you find me intolerable, bitchy, cranky, whiny and sometimes extremely selfish… and you remember me lovable, sweet, funny, beautiful, wise and kind, and love me anyways, maybe then you do really love me. Vice versa of course. I don’t care for substance-less love. I want something real. I want to see you as the human being you are, full of flaws and still lovable as hell… 

After a heated conversation about sex in the city, where one guy enlightened the rest of the group that Carrie is, in fact, the most boring character of the show, we went around the circle sharing our embarrassing sex stories… this is what happens… when you get a bunch of 20 something year olds together, you inevitably end up talking about sex, harvard students or not. I had forgotten about mine, but, hey, what’s a sister for? Sabrina remembered and shared it with the group. No, i am not going to share it here… but jeff… you know this one… : P

I really enjoyed the night. I especially enjoyed how impassioned they were when they argued with each other. I find it most educating as I have the tendency to keep my mouth shut and not express my contradicting opinions. 

Mm.. it’s getting late. I should head to bed. I miss vancouver.