I am writing on borrowed time. Soon dayquil will wear off and I will not hesitate downing a big glassful of nice, sedating neocitran. I have no problem blaming my sickness on stress. My physical body and emotional body are good friends and they like to do things together. So here I am, in a drug induced bliss. I am listening to music. All the lights in my room are on for some reason. The incense is burning. 

i had promised myself no serious, meaningful conversations for awhile and then i answered my phone to a distressed friend. It seems a running theme lately, troubles in love. It is most painful when the one you love doesn’t love you back. When this happens, nothing else seems right. This person who has the key to your heart, the power to make you experience happiness you had never known before, does not love you back. What could be worse? Oh, I don’t know, the loss of your pinky toe? Sorry, that was uncalled for (forgive me for I have been drugged). I do sympathize. I have been there myself quite a few times. 

Here’s what I think. We are responsible for our own happiness. And if we expect another person to make us happy, it is risky business.  And they are most likely trying to make themselves happy anyways, where does that leave you? And who is going to take you seriously when you put yourself second and him first? If you are not important enough to you… is anything worse than that? All of your god given gifts, all of your resources, wisdom, love, energy, spirit… slighted by yourself, in exchange for, hopefully, his affection. No. Don’t do that.

Love could be so good. It could be inspiring.  It makes us grow and expand. It embeds much learning. And there are places in our bodies only a lover could reach… but don’t forsake yourself in the name of love. You are essential to making love love… if that makes any sense.

Neocitran time.