This winter seems colder than any I could remember. And it’s not just cold. There’s a meanness in its ways. It is humorless, it cuts at your face and spears your bones. You stand outside, dumbfounded and a gust of wind says solemnly to you, No, I am not kidding. 

I went out last night with Mark for dinner. The music, food, company, wine, brandy… were all perfect. The bass player played with his eyes closed and body rocking back and forward. The old drummer’s cheeks drooped as Mark admired at them and explained to me how he is genetically guaranteed to have those cheeks when he gets old. Red wine looked pretty against candle light. I told Mark the waiter was hitting on him, he disagreed. After dinner, we went to meet up with his friends. He promised me they are people just like him. I was doubtful but he was right. I really enjoyed them. 

I started having doubts about my “datability”. Jeff tried to reassure me that I am datable, but I think some qualities of mine may be quite repulsive. Being a vegan for one, is probably not very attractive. And all my mothering qualities. And how much time I spend alone… if I were a guy I’d probably want someone more normal, with a job, a degree, practical skills and cares about more worldly things… well well… i guess we’ll see… i hope jeff is right.