Should I feel bad for practicing the cello at 10:15 in the morning? I’ve been up since six, had breakfast, walked on the treadmill for an hour, took a shower, read, stared at facebook for a good thirty minutes while contemplating if I should start practicing. Technically, only 2/5 of the house was awake… By 10:15 I decided the people who were still asleep may not come and yell at me because it is quite late in the morning already. I did feel bad though, so I tried to practice quietly, which surprisingly made it sound even worse. 

I am a little done up today for no reason other than just to feel puuuuurty. Last night I tried to figure out what it was about R that made me feel the way I felt. I think I get it now. I always felt really womanly when I was with him. His abundant masculinity overpowered mine. I am not sure how others perceive me, but I feel quite masculine. I rarely get to feel like a woman in my daily life. There was something about the way he put his hand behind me, how he’d walk a little faster to get the door, his wide shoulders, his confidence… I really enjoyed feeling so completely feminine. I am  not a very girlie girl. Most of the times I am one of the guys… I want someone who is very masculine, meanwhile, I am going to work on being more of a woman…