12.05.08
Friday Morning
I have looked forward to this day for a long time and it has arrived. YoooooHoooooooooooooooo~!!! I still have one more class on monday (but it’s with Ross and I never consider going to his class as going to school. It’s more of a fun gathering with a good story teller who entertains and informs), and I have to revise five poems (but I like doing that, so it is not considered work, either). My celebration starts tonight.
Jeff and I are going to have dinner, then head downtown for some live jazz and wine… I am beyond excited. The experience of live music is so different from music in the ipod, on the radio or in a CD. Music performance is also a body art, a dance, a meditative trance. It is beautiful and captivating to watch and when you are in the presence of that, when the bass vibrates your heart, God, it’s the most delicious feeling. I love, love, love, love music… and musicians 
Oh, I forgot to mention this. One of the students asked if we would write to appease the public or to win awards. I thought it such a strange question. I write because I like to write and I have something to say. And I enjoy the craft. Writing is a form of art. I don’t want to taint it by having any motives other than creating art. And if I have to look at it as a job, I might as well be doing something that makes more money than writing… I am really quite happy with my writing skills, though. I know there are so much I need to work on, but I am much more confident as a writer this semester. I feel like I am in my elements now and I know what I am doing. I know what I do well, what I don’t. I have the language and the knowledge for this craft. It makes me feel so cool. And, I am also very cool because I have a few very talented, attractive, cool writer friends 
namely Mark, Kistie, Harry, and Andrea. I wish we all get published one day, and we’ll be a snotty posse…. hahaha…
Orange Cake
I volunteered to bake for the last day of class. Rajiv got a recipe written down in the concentration camp during the Holocaust. The recipe belonged to a woman named Rebecca Teitebaum. It is an orange cake. Unfortunately, I can’t follow the recipe exactly, I have to make a vegan variation of the cake. It is baking right now. It smells really good and it means alot that the recipe goes on so I am going to post it here.
Orange Cake
3 cups of flour
2 teaspoon of baking powder
2 cups of sugar (i ran out of sugar so i used one cup sugar, one cup splenda)
1 cup of butter (i used earth balance for mine)
1 teaspoon of vanilla
5 large eggs (I used 5 tablespoon of ground flaxseed boiled with 15 tablespoons of water till thicken)
1 cup of orange juice (i forgot to buy orange juice, so i used fresh squeezed)
2 teaspoons of orange peel
all ingredients should be in room temp.
Preheat oven at 350 degrees
1. mix all dry ingredients
2. mix butter, sugar, vanilla, the eggs, one at a time (I mix the wet ingredients together with the flaxseed mixture)
3. Slowly add wet mixture in dry ingredients, mix
4. bake for 60 minutes.
Okay, i just tasted a smaller one that i made for myself (I never give out food that i make without tasting it first). and OMG! it is SO good. You should all try this recipe I know I am going to bake it again for a good friend with a sweet tooth~
And there you go. This is both vegan and for a good cause. And I hope this shows how easy vegan baking really is. ENJOY!
babbble
I am tired of my own constant judgement. I can do no right in my own eyes. And I never look good. I am always too fat(for?). Just plain not good enough. I am really tired of this bullshit. I don’t want to be a victim of my own viciousness anymore. I am turning my head, shutting my ears and if I say one more nasty thing to myself, I am going to tell myself to shut up and shove it.
I am scared if I don’t look good, no one will love me. It makes no sense that I am working so hard to earn the love of someone who should love me base on the way I look… but I don’t question it much. I want someone who loves me beyond the exterior. Is it okay for me to be fat, sloppy, not have any makeup on, not wash and blow dry my hair? I am just going to give up on finding anyone and let myself go 
I could be a fat, eccentric writer with an extensive collection of vibrators and dildos…. sigh… i hang my head down in defeat.
I do not remember the last time i had a good kiss… i wish kisses are light hearted like hugs, so I could just casually ask for one and it wouldn’t freak anyone out. Hm, I would like a good hug, too.
On a note less depressing and horny, I am really enjoying the cello. It is so substantial and it feels so good holding it. I don’t want to jinx it, but I am going to stick with it. I will.
I hate it when I talk to someone disconnected. Just don’t even bother talking to me if the conversation contains only sounds. It makes me feel very slighted and disrespected. There are a few people in my life like this and I’ve tried to stay calm and open when I talk to them, but I am going to strangle them at some point. I should probably just stop talking to them to avoid imprisonment… i guess i am feeling a little bitchy today.
like a color book
I almost love the whole tattooing process as much as the tattoo itself. Today I went for my second appointment, to get Basa(my tattoo elephant) colored. I love the atmosphere there and the buzz of the gun, and I love the pain. I was ecstatic to find Basa on his wall of work that he’s proud of. He said many people have commented on how nice she is. I am proud. Trevor and I worked on her together. Of course it’s mostly him, but I did have a little to do with how gorgeous she is : )
I really love tattoos… eventually I’ll have one on my back, one on my thigh and maybe one on the belly. I can totally see Jeff and my dad cringing right now.
We didn’t finish coloring Basa. I am not really sure what I want to do with her. I was just gonna get some colors and mostly grey shading, but now I really like the colors on her. So i may get her completely colored in. This is her, for now.
