10.31.08
Friday Morning
Was going to meditate on the dyke with Anthony, then go sprinting, but it it raining quite hard. Thought about maybe biking a little, but decided to take a morning off from sweating. Don’t really feel like going to school today (anymore). I want to get away again… Anthony suggested camping. Maybe we should. I am tired of Richmond. Tired of the constructions. Tired of eating at the same places all the time. Tired of my routines. Argh… maybe this is the autumn blue. Things are dying all around me.
Still naked in bed. Gonna get up soon, grab coffee and cereal… shower, go to school… bleeeeeeehhhhhh.
10.30.08
Thursday Night
Bought a bottle of wine, poured one glass out for myself and let sit as I baked a cornbread. It is raining outside which is always nice. I am tipsy now. Red wine goes surprisingly well with dates (the dry fruit 
). Anthony’s playing video games. I am waiting for the cornbread to rise. Later Christina and Charles will pick us up for the Fright Night. I am enjoying my Thursday night.
Update: The cornbread turned out great and I stay awesome.
Normalizing
Life is calming down for me. The past two months were like an uncomfortable roller coaster (excuse the cliché). The breakup, and my infatuated heart threw me off and afloat I stayed. I could not sleep at nights and during the day I was distracted and away. Then Dad and Anthony came back. My desires to be with them were strong enough to pull me back down. So here I am again, landed, on ground.
10.29.08
Pearl n Fish Eye
By now I see to you I am no pearl. A dull fisheye that belongs with wet garbage, sniffed and passed by rats. Inconsequential. And so it is. I was here before your eyes. And if I must fight and strain to be seen by you, it is not me you see. But sometimes I forget and a fisheye I be. But no more.
10.02.08
The Sister
Sabrina and Anthony have been and always will be my lighthouses, hot, (soy)chocolate, soothing rains, the blue sky and grass warmed by the afternoon sun… I was searching for a piece of scrap paper from my drawer today, and came across this card Sabrina wrote me…
…there isn’t a particle of you that i don’t know, remember, and want… (noel coward)
My dearest loveliest Amy,
I know you have been on this emotional roller coaster, changes coming left, right, and centre. I know you don’t need me to tell you that the process is so divine and you are walking on the path so gracefully and courageously. You are finding yourself, going after your passions, sharing your talents, and living your truth. There’s no greater joy for me.
You are the greatest gift in my life. Through the ups and downs, and the closeness and distance of our long relationship that remains the truest truth. Let me count my blessings. You are a jewel, a gem, the only person who can always shine a light on my gloomy days. Through your challenges and obstacles of reaching out in the world with your singing, or writing, please remember what a priceless service you are offering to the world. You are so beautiful and moving, anybody who is touched by your words or voice is blessed.
In the future we might not be able to see each other as much as we have in the past, and I am still slowly adjusting to the change, the loss, and what is to be gained in the process. Growing up is so bitter sweet, and I feel like I am always gaining new and deeper understanding of the world. My consolation is that no matter how far away I am or how long we have to go without seeing each other, I carry you so close to my heart. You are in every breath I take, every step I walk, every word I speak, every choice I make. You have been so influential in my life, it is inevitable that you are everywhere. With the gift of your love, I am going to go into the world and try to offer the same gift to humankind through my work. I am going to go out there and make you proud. And I hope you can see you in everything I do, because you are there, you are always, always, always there. I love you, Amy. Make me proud, too. Go and claim your dreams. Offer your gift of love to the world. There isn’t a particle of you I don’t know, remember, and want…
Nina
